SLOWLY BUT SURELY

I am currently on the precipice of a half a century crisis. My love life, my job, and my confidence are taking a downward plummet into oblivion. WHY!!!!!!! The constant nag of my inner voice needs to shut the hell up. Yes, I am attached to attention and fiend for it constantly. Yes, I feel inadequate compared to the counterparts I work with. Yes, I don't know how to act as a single women. What the hell do I do next? During times of distress and uncertainty my auto-pilot kicks in and I want to fly away. I want to kaiak to an abandoned island away from pompous, pretentious, ugly people whose only purpose in life is to tear people's buildings down (specifically MINE) in order to fulfill their void of acceptance. They were probably the kids in class that was bullied and laughed at. They must have had exceptional thoughts of how they would achieve revenge from their antagonists therefore, plotting their attack in adulthood. URGH. Slowly but surely I am learning to be. I am faced with adversity at every turn. BUT! I am calling an end to my pity party. HALLELUJAH!! HALLELUJAH!! HALLELUJAH!! I will admit. I have never experienced such an awful trifecta. I'm not saying bad, annoying, extremely lonely moments won't come. Which I am sure they are lining up to strike me at any time. What I am saying is that I will overcome the turbulence quickly. Either I control my spectrum of emotions or I turn to substances that will numb me temporarily until I accept defeat. The latter is not an option. However, I will douse myself into activities that will challenge and kick my ass for the most part. The goal is not necessarily to be the best at it but to simply finish it. For me to say, "yup I did it and I loved each agonizing step to the end" is like stuffing deluxe chili cheese fries in my mouth. Oh the pain! Especially when I associate "fast" and all food (BIG MAC MEAL) with great company and happy times in a parking lot shoving the food down my throat and smiling at the same time. It is definitely a mind blowing experience.